I Put My Manhood in Jeopardy
Well a few weeks ago my Mom decided to go out of town to visit a friend. Yeah right. I use the word friend lightly because no "friend" would ask Mom to come and not invite me and Izzy. Well anyway I guess that is really besides the point here.
After living with this human for 5 years I have found that I am able to read that woman like a book. I can't for the life of me understand why other men can't understand women. It is very simple to me. Daylight she is up getting ready and going to work. Dark she is coming home. Slamming doors means a stay under the bed is a possibility. A crying spell means a quick lick will do the trick. Not that complicated if you ask me. Men just are not as intuitive as us male dogs are.
Then if she is getting ready AFTER dark she is going off "not work" and our butts will be alone for the evening and possibly Izzy will be in the crate bol bol bol. We become latch key pups bol bol bol. Oh sorry that was mean. If she is home and doesn't get ready right off the bat after waking up then we are really in trouble. That my furry friend means that she is going on a T-R-I-P. Yes the dreaded trip.
Oh the dreaded trip. When the human goes on a trip and the pet is not invited then it becomes ugly. All bets are off and it is every man or dog for themselves.
So became the dreaded "during the holidays trip" which I have lovingly named "hell week".
Izzy and I were lying on the couch and were watching Mom patter around the house. She was off for 2 weeks to stay at home with us. Hey what can I say people. Bonding with your dogs is really important!! Anyhow she was busy patting around the house. We were all in a loving mood. Licking and kissing and loving on each other. It was a Kodak moment. We looked like the Partridge Family. Then things went to hell in a hand basket.
I caught a glimpse of something that really unnerved me. She was carrying that bad thingy she puts her "stuff" in when she is NOT coming home at night. I have to admit that I should not have been caught off guard by what happened later because of seeing the bag thingy but alas I was rocked to the core of my little paws.
Now let me say that I have spent the night off before and while it was not the thing I can say I loved it was not the most traumatic thing that has happened in my life either. Me getting my butt kicked by a cat, stealing a jelly donut and getting my head stuck in the fence would be in that list though. But what I must say about this particular incident was the viciousness in which she carried out the plan. No remorse for the pain she caused nor did she accept any guilt.
This woman who had raised me from a pup, packed her bag, took it to the car and turned on the heater to warm up the car. These are things she normally does when one of these "trips" occur. I was in the house telling Izzy what was fixing to happen. Hey she is a young pup and this was the first time Mom had gone on a "trip" without Lacey being here to babysit us. She had to know. It was my place as a big brother to tattle I mean let her know.
Then she came back into the house and thus began one of the most cruel things this little dog has ever had done to him. She went and got ANOTHER bag and started to put mine and Izzy's toys in there. Then she went and poured up some of our food into a clear looking bag and put it in there. Next she went over to the drawer where she keeps the collar and leash and pulled them out. Now when the leash came out I was so excited because that meant WE were going on a trip too!!
I ran over to her and got in her lap because I love to get my leash and collar on so I can go for a ride. She had to chase the "little evil one" around the house to catch her. Of course my telling her the horror stories about what was going to happen to her probably did not help. But after much effort she ran her down and put the collar and leash on her. I must add she was not a happy camper.
Mom picked up the bag, grabbed a diet coke out of the big white cold thing and out the door we went. I jumped right in being the good boy I am but she had to put everything down because the "little evil one" was not going to jump in the car. Ohhhhh but the "little evil one" learned that yes she was going to get in the car. bol bol bol. I just love it when a plan comes together.
So off we went. Izzy was in the floorboard saying Hail Marys and I was in sitting in the front seat enjoying the trip. At this time I heard a clicking noise which humans call a blinker I felt the car make a sharp turn and then we stopped. At this point I thought this was really going to be a short trip. But hey maybe she was getting snacks for the trip. Yummy. Then she got out of the car and what followed should never happen to another dog. She got Izzy out of the floor, and she was on her 30th Hail Mary and took her into some store looking place I had never seen before.
Being the good brother I am I was concerned but the bad side of me was thinking hey glad she didn't grab my butt. Then there she came out of the store with the determination of a heat seeking missile with me being the target. Before I could get into the back seat there I was in mid air heading into the same store. I should add that at this time I too began to say Hail Marys.
When I got in the store the first thing I saw was Izzy in a cage. Mom calls it a hotel room but let's call a spade a spade. It was a cage with a capital c. If it makes you feel better calling it a hotel Mom then have at it. Izzy was hunkered down and was giving mom the evil eye. Well I am not a dumb dog and I knew that from the looks of that cage it was a cage built for two!! At this time I did what any manly dog would do. I whirled around and grabbed her by the shirt with my claws and hung on for dear life.
Mom was wearing what you humans call lace and I called good fortune bol bol bol. It was soooooo easy to tangle my claws into that lace. That was until the owner of the store marched his big butt up and assisted the lady in distress. Between the two of them they pried me loose and put me in the cage. I told Izzy that I tried to save her but was no match for the two of them.
She turned around and it was then I realized she was heading OUT the door. Ok that is when my manhood really left. I started howling so loud that the owner said "Cathy we may have to put them in the back because he will run the customers off". Hmmmmm teach them to mess with me. Well the end of the story is we still got left and she went on her trip. It was only 2 days but to us it was a week.
So I just wanted to let you know that all the lace and claws in the world can't stop a woman from going on a trip!!!! And -----in case you humans don't know, sending our toys and our food does not make it better. We are still pissed off at you!!!
Licks and wags
- Hannie